Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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