do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize