You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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