my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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