Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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