Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she peed on how many people?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
