i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
