So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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