Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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