shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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