I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
we're so committed to being not committed
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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