I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
