Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
