Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
