I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
