I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
