U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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