Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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