He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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