somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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