There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
