I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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