There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
