Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
