Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
