i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
