yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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