So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
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I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
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There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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