I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
