I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
