Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We have so much sex to catch up on
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
