Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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