East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
be right there i have to get my cape
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
