these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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