i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
