drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
