Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize