Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize