I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
