so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my liver is dry heaving
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
