So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
