Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
