so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
