shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
