tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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