I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
