i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
