thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She told me I should be a condom model.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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