please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
