my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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