i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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