just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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