There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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