hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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