I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
