you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
