Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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