stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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