Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
