I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
