When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How does it feel to date your dad?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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