True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
