fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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