hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
