so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
