What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
