After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
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i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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