yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
