don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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