She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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