There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds