Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
