I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
