Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
