when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
