drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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