We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
