She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
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