dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
