i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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